Official Transcript of the October 16th Presidential Debate!

Hey guys! I decided to help everyone out and keep a running transcript of Round 2 of the Presidential Debates! I hope that you enjoy this rip-roaring fun debate as much as I did!

A close-up focus on the famous Romney hair

Candy: And welcome to Round 2 of the 2012 Presidential Debates. I am your host Candy Crowley….and no….I am not from the “adult” industry.

Tonight we have our debate between President of the United States Barack Obama…

Barack: Is someone paying attention to the timers?!?!?! Am I getting my time on screen?!?!? Damn you Romney, Damn you!

Candy: ….Ummm we haven’t started yet. And Governor Mitt Romney…

Romney: Thank you, did I mention that this great hair was only because I am a great CEO. I’ve run businesses you know.

Candy: Thank you Mr. Romney, that makes sense I guess. Well on tonight’s debate we are going to be talking about a lot of important issues including healthcare…

Obama: I did that! I did that!

Candy: …economy

Romney: Wait, just wait a minute, my CEO senses are tingling. I may have to pull out my 5 point plan.

Obama: (Eyes brooding and the stink eye towards Romney) 5 points, more like 5 kicks in the pants!

Candy: Mr. Obama please, the brooding eyes does not designate a strong presidential stance.

Obama: That might not but check this out, facts, FACTS, FACTS boom pow!

Candy: ….right…and also women’s rights

Romney: Ooooh, my CEO sense is tingling again, did I mention that I hire women, but I have to give them a flexible schedule.

Obama: Why is that? Is it because of their women?

Romney: ….

Obama: Timer?!?!?! He is stalling to get more time on his timer!

Romney: No! it’s because they have female responsibilities at home like kids and stuff.

Candy: I’m sorry gentlemen no questions have been asked. Please refrain from a he said she said argument.

Obama: But that’s my point! Romney has said nothing, I am trying to point that out.

Romney: Hey now, that’s not true. I have subtley pointed out my hair and have talked about my 5 point plan.

Candy: Mr. Romney and what exactly is that 5 point plan?

Romney: Well it involves a lot of complex mathematical equations as well as some stuff about energy independency, jobs, yelling at Japan, and you know, jobs. It’s really complex but it’s okay because I am going to subtley introduce that I have manager skills because I am a CEO.

Obama: Well let me uhhhh put it to you uhhh this way. I…as President have created….blah blah blah (I would have added the detailed information but I just couldn’t listen when I saw those brooding eyes.)

Romney: Well I still have a 5 point plan.

Candy: Mr. Romney…

Obama: Timers!?!?!?! Somebody pass a question to me, I’m in the 3-point circle!

Candy: Mr. Obama, you are like a child wanting to play the next round in a videogame after Romney dies, let him play his turn. (Obama sticks tongue out)

Candy: So, Mr. Romney, hypothetically, let’s just say that your trickle down…

Romney: It’s actually called an Austerity plan thank you, and look at my hair.

Candy: ….

Candy: Anways, let’s just say your “AUSTERITY” plan doesn’t work, (as many reports and studies are pointing out), what happens than.

Obama: There’s no mathematical evidence. I have given evidence, if you give me some time to be all like holla up in here!

Romney: Well there’s math, oh I’ve seen it in my people’s notebooks. But I can’t tell you any of it because it’s like really complex. Too complex for common people to understand.

Candy: Common people?

Romney: Yeah because non-CEO people wouldn’t understand it. It’s in CEO-lingo which makes things sound really complex. But due to my leadership skills in business I understand it and it works.

Obama: Have I mentioned in this debate the hardships of my family? Because it has helped me become a good person.
Candy: …no, not yet…

Obama: It’s true. My family has worked hard like any working class family so I get your pain. Especially you college kids. I have kids going to college soon and that’s like a lot of money….ooops here is my wife acting adorable.

Romney: Our family has a yacht. Look, I am telling family stories too so I can connect. And have I mentioned lately that I have leadership skills because I know how to run businesses and I was governor.
*This is him speaking out loud but is supposed to be a thought in his head.
Remember, Smile, focus on the hair, smile, focus on the hair…

Candy: Seriously, did you just say to focus on your hair?

Romney: I try not to blatantly point out it’s power, but I guess there it is.

Obama: I am here telling you real stories, real hard hitting facts, let’s talk about how I will be doing real work in the next four years.

Candy: Mr. Obama, I love your tenacity for wanting to work hard, but again, we have gotten through this whole debate and neither of you haven’t done anything to prove a point other than you are acting like 12 year olds trying to impress the class.

Obama: But I’m president!

Romney: Yeah! And I have said something about my 5 point plan!

Candy: And I am still Candy trying to be serious at this debate but he we are with no more time, nothing established and here we are. Good luck everyone at the elections, God knows you need it.

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